I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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