He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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