He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
