there's paper in my vomit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
