Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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