Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
