the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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