God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
