I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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