I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
