The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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