I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
