My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
