So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
