You can't special order awesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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