Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
