I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize