somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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