I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
