i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
