When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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