Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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