They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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