Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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