3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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