No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
