don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
