Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
