And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
