I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
