i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
