To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
