Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Couch. On fire.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
