no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
