"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
