wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
