So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
