Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
