Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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