They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
