The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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