She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
