Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
