no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize