I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
