i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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