In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
someone threw a dead crab at me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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