maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
