Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
