i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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