Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
