Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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