Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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