Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize