Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
