Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
