In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
