there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
