thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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