I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
