I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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