omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
