Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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