Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize