its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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